"He crept into her heart seeking to devour her, but he was the one consumed" ~Dean Jackson
Every story has an end, but in life every ending is just a new beginning. ~Uptown Girls~

Sunday, June 20, 2010

My Updates ♥Spoken From The Heart♥

Ok it's not like me to put really personal information out there. But I think I need too in this case as I mean this from my heart.

I've had some changes in my life recently and have been called two faced. And this person that called me this, after much deep soul searching I believe is right.

I had a very close circle of only a few friends. And I talked to one in paticuliar about my feelings at the time, struggles and my life. Many times it was over very personal feelings that were about other friends,issues and problems everything that a best friend would talk about. These issues were worked through, and just by talking helped me through these things, even with other friends. Some of these personal things I did say, I regret as then I wondered if they were true and now I know they were not, but I know they would hurt the other persons directly, and I never intended that and as I look back at it, it made me feel horrible about who I am as a person as well.

I guess why am I placing this out here? Because after being called this, and I know it was meant to hurt me as this friend was hurt as well, but really because I feel bad honestly deep down bad and I'm sorry, I don't want to be like that.

And yes I have a few friends like anyone else does that talks about everything and everyone. If this is me being two faced, then yes I guess I really am two faced.
If this results in lost friendships that is ok too...as these things happen.
I wish everyone the best in life regardless.

More than anything I think it teaches me a lesson as well in many ways,
Lesson 1: That if I am to speak about others, problems or issues, I have to think how it would affect them if they knew even if they are not a friend.
Lesson 2: Friendships sometimes are not what you think they are.
Lesson 3: You can't take back something once you've said it. You can try to move forward, ask for forgiveness and not let the past affect who you negativly and learn.
Lesson 4: This one is the hardest lessons this round for me as I always want to trust but the lesson is: NOT TO TRUST. Yes I see the irony in this, as my statement above "try not to let this affect negativly", but I will have to work on this one I think after this.

I've been hurt by many in my past from a little child to an adult, I don't want to be the one causing the hurt, I'd rather be the one you know you can lean on.

Anyways I hope everyone has had a good weekend. Enough of this sentimental shit and just moving on.

“There are only two people who can tell you the truth about yourself - an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly.”

Jessica

7 comments:

Tyger June 20, 2010 at 1:50 PM  

{{HUGS}}. Sweetie I'm so sorry to see you so down. I know I don't know you all that well in the grand scheme of life and the world. But to me you have always been genuine, upfront and kinder than many people probably deserve. It's sucks big Hairy monkey butt when you are betrayed by someone you really thought knew better. We are all guilty of saying things which we thought were true at the time but in hindsight were wrong. Sometimes we hurt other people, sometimes they hurt us. Don't ever stop being who you are, cos I lubs u! Don't be sad.. Ima send Stu over there with his speedos and a cd of "the Song Thong" just set up a pole of sorts and he'll dance your cares away > Tyger runs before I get my ass beat xoxo

Nita June 20, 2010 at 5:01 PM  

Jess, we all make mistakes, lose our tempers and even say things we might regret later but that's what makes us human and it might be a hard lesson sometimes but it's the the only way we learn to better ourselves so you may feel bad now but look back on your life then look ahead a year from today and you'll see how easy it is to embrace your own mistakes and cherish them for what they are, just life's lessons. As for the person who was your friend, I hope you're reading this too because though you may not be friends any longer and you're probably hurting just as much if not more, I'm sure you still have some very fond memories, to look upon. Whether you'll want to be friends again, I don't know but I do think you can both be grateful in the fact that you've helped each other grow as adults. After all, that's what makes this life so amazing, being able to love others and being mature enough to forgive instead of seeking childish revenge. My love to you both. ~nita

jacqueline June 21, 2010 at 2:38 AM  

Dear one,

By reading your mind and thoughts would be enough for everybody who know and knew, they would understand that you talked from the bottom of your heart.To say sorry or to even appologize is a dear friend.We all make mistakes even the one you said sorry too makes mistakes;-)

good luck and cheer up:-)

Brianna June 22, 2010 at 6:29 AM  

Hi Sweetie!
Like the others said, everyone makes mistakes. We have all been there, but it takes someone extraordinary and special to admit that they were wrong. Most people don't admit it, but you aren't most people! You truly are an inspiration to others, not just by your creativity and imagination, but also by your thoughts and words! Here's big Huggles *hugs with love inside* for you! Luv ya girl!
Happy Solstice!!!

Muriel July 1, 2010 at 4:20 PM  

Hey Jess, I know that we have not known each other for long, but you have been such a kind soul since I have met you online and you went out of your way to make a gorgeous kit named and dedicated to my daughter Destiny, you have no idea how special that makes the both of us feel. We, too, have had a real hard life full of people who have used us and hurt us. You came into our online lives and made us feel like you were a true friend, and I will never forget that!! Everyone makes mistakes, I am sure the person who called you two-faced or whatever is just as guilty of saying things that could hurt someone, I know I have a real short temper and zero patience, things I have said have hurt some of the peeps i loved them ost, but because of the love there, all can be forgiven. Do not beat yourself up over small trivial bullshit! You are an amazing designer and one hell of an awesome friend. I could never think of you as "two-faced" NEVER!!! Your heart is just way too good for that shit, but rumors can be spread so easily and the sad thing is that most scrap designers are so fkn gullible and believe hear-say before getting the truth....one more thing sweetie...this too shall pass! ♥ Muriel aka Creative-Disorder :)

Gothic Inspirations July 1, 2010 at 9:10 PM  

Thank you so much everyone for your uplifting words. I know things are never easy when you lose a friendship, but I can say deep down that I don't regret the friendship that I did have with her, but do regret the way it ended.

Au fond de mon coeur les bons souvenirs resteront toujours avec moi comme vous mon meilleur ami, même si nous sommes déchirées sans aucun moyen de réparer.

WitchysHeart July 1, 2010 at 11:47 PM  

Hey Jessica,
I'm sorry your going through things...Trust me I know, been there and done that..just recently with a person I thought I was close too and well, lets just say we both went our seperate ways...I'll always cherish her friendship, and I hope hers to me....So your not along hun! I'm here for you to talk too..anytime! Your one of the sweetest ladies online, since I have met you and one of my online friends.

Big Hugs to you,
WitchysHeart

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